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Thursday, December 15th, 2005
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Happy holidays everybody.
Yeah, I've been feeling loads better lately. I love feeling good like this. I have a weekend full of nothing else but rest and fun. God I can't wait.
Tomorrow I'm spending the night at Shu's and then I'm going to the movies saturday afternoon. After that I'm going to stay with another friend and coming back sometime sunday. I'm not going to be home all weekend.
Hheehe Awesome!
And hopefully it sleets and crap enough over night where we don't have school tomorrow.
That would be great.
And then, next weekend is christmas, so I get to go soak in a hottub half the night. ^_^ Oh yeh
Then the weekend after that I have a New Years Eve party at Shu's. Again, fucking awesome ^_^
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Thursday, December 1st, 2005
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I know, be strong. Its what everyone always says... Be strong.
I can't do it anymore, I can't be everyone else's emotional anchor... I just can't. What about me? What about MY emotional anchor?
Do I not get one because I'm usually so strong? Heh... after a few drinks, strength is a trivial thing. After numberous fights and a million different things to deal with every day, strength can be tattered.
That isn't to say that I'm not strong, that I'm not normally happy... I really only use this as a ranting tool, incase no one has noticed that by now.
On the upside, Shu and I are going to a convention in May, and we're singing. I can't remember where it was right now, but I'm excited. That means we'll get a while away and time to just the two of us.
And that's something to look forward too.. REALLY look forward too...
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Saturday, November 19th, 2005
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| Time: | 7:53 pm. |
| Mood: |  crappy. | | Music: | MiG Ayesa "Paint It, Black". |
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Meh went to go lay down, couldn't sleep... Why does this always happen to me? (Yes, I do realize this is my third journal entry in the past 24 hours... unheard of, ne?)
Anyway, I was just listening to some music and came across a song that really expressed how I've been feeling the past week or so...
"Nemo" by Nightwish...
This is me for forever
One of the lost ones
The one without a name
Without an honest heart as compass
This is me for forever
One without a name
These lines the last endeavor
To find the missing lifeline
Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything
My flower
Withered between
The pages two and three
The once and forever bloom gone with my sins
Walk the dark path
Sleep with angels
Call the past for help
Touch me with your love
And reveal to me my true name
Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything
Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name for evermore
Nemo sailing home
Nemo letting go
Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything
Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name for evermore
Nemo my name for evermore
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| Subject: | ... |
| Time: | 6:23 pm. |
| Mood: |  cranky. | | Music: | Dir en Grey - "Hades". |
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I've come to the realization of something today.
Wait, scratch that, two things.
One, I need to start getting more sleep. I was just hangign out today, watching a few of my favorite movies, and kept falling asleep. Not good. Ofcourse it didn't stay that way for long. My neighbors yelling at me to turn it down and my phone going off kept making sure that I never got too much of what my body wanted so much of.
I eventually just said screw it, turned on my stereo and took a nice long nap. Until once again, like clockwork, the damn phone rang.
I really need to learn to turn that thing off
Which leads to the second thing... I need to stop worrying so much about everyone else and focus on myself. That's probably what the source of all the sicknesses I've been getting have been. I worry too much about everything, but not at all, or very little about myself.
I think I need to call in for a week of vacation at work. God knows I've accumulated enough sick days to insure me for any illness, but I feel as if I really need to take these, lock the door, turn off the cell, turn on the stereo and just sleep for a while.
That's actually a really good idea... but I can't do that to everyone else. They're counting on me, I can't just let them down like that.
... GODDAMMIT I'm doing it agian. I just need a vacation... really badly... so badly I can taste it. I need to get reacquainted with my pillow. I need to learn to love my bed again.
I need some time to myself to sort everything out.
I need to stop thinking... I need to just do it.
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| Subject: | Damn |
| Time: | 1:17 am. |
| Mood: |  mellow. | | Music: | Mark Wills "I Do (Cherish You)". |
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Exhuasting week. Man am I glad there's a holiday next week. That means no school. No school means freedom, atleast for a few days.
I really needed it. You have no idea.
I've been so drained, physically, mentally and emotionally, for the past few weeks, ever since that really bad cold, that it isn't fucking funny anymore. I can't take it.
Haven't had time to practice lately, but I know I need to. I need to work on a few new songs too... but that'll have to wait until Wednesday when I have a day off.
The only reason I'm awake now... is because this is the only time I can stay awake.
I've passed out quite a few times after I got home this week... and last night, how I fell asleep I'll never know that's how out of it I was.
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Friday, November 4th, 2005
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Boy has this week been fun for me...
Halloween monday, and it's my favorite holiday. Too bad it sucked so bad this year. Yeah, I'm 18 and I still trick-or-treat. The way I look at it, you're only as young as you feel, so why would you want to feel old? Anyway, usually I go with my cousin or a couple of my friends on this road that my gramma lives on. This year, no friends, no cousin, I'm completely alone, deserted, and feel like a fool. A severely depressed fool.
A severely depressed sick fool with a high fever.
I got home at 7 that night, went to bed almost right after I got back... which is NOT normal for me.
Tuesday I woke up having not slept for crap, and stayed home from school. Good thing I did too, a high fever sucks when you have to go through the rigors of school. I slept most of the day, except for a four hour period in which I watched my Saiyuki dvds... only select episodes.
Wednesday, home from school again. Didn't sleep so much that day, had to write a paper for English that was due today. I talked to my on-line buddies a lot that day too. That made me feel a little bit better, though my brain had melted due to the fever I was running.
Thursday. I was back and school and thinking it was Monday again. I got all of my makeup work and found out that there was a pep rally today for my Field Hockey team and the Girls Soccer Team. Both teams made it to post-season tournaments.
Friday, today, yeah... DEFINITELY thought it was Tuesday. Went through my paces and got to leave school early to score keep for the game today. We beat Westfield 2-1 and go on to the Semi-Finals. It was a really intense game too.
Yup, I'm still in 'brain melted' mode right now, still suffering from that fever... dammit. And I'm tired. Like drop dead tired, but I have a friend I need to talk to, so I'm going to try and stay awake until she gets home from work... at midnight.
X_x
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bad_luck_nakano's journal
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